Pets Editions, All Purpose Cleaner, ep. 44

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Every life is made better by a loving animal companion. Whether you are: freaking out about cat labor, killing birds with facial cleanser, exposing dogs to poisoned coconuts or introducing your pet to creative and disgusting uses for peanut butter, we are here to commiserate (well, maybe not the last one).

Pets-Master

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New Years Edition, All Purpose Cleaner, ep. 43

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We are sorry to say, Christmas is over.  But don’t worry, New Years Eve is just around the corner and we’re here to guide you through it all. Whether you are resolving not to commit as many felonies this year as last, crushing your best friend’s heart or engaging in an annual tradition that may or may not involve lubricant and legumes; we are there to kiss at midnight, join you when you put on the lampshade at one and  hold your hair while you “reminisce” about the night at two.

As always, slightly adult content.

NewYears-Master

Christmas Edition, All Purpose Cleaner, ep. 42

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It is that time of year. Festive lights, annoying music, laughing children and disembodied Snow White head ornaments. That’s right, its Christmas. This week we discuss grandma stabbing Robb for a a pair of porcelain balls, Patrick’ s heartless gift giving traditions, John’s utter neglect of his youngest child, Ross’ possession of the aforementioned disembodied head and Ami’s unmitigated decorating sloth. Yeah! Bring on the creepy voyeur elves.

As always, mildly adult content.

Christmas-Master

Womanhood Edition, All Purpose Cleaner, ep. 41

Sisters are doing it for themselves! That is right, on this week’s episode of All Purpose Cleaners we find out what beats at the strong resilient core of a woman. Our all female panel discusses: powerful women, lessons for their younger selves, and the challenges of being a female comedian. Also, boobs; but in a very Gloria Steinem friendly manner. In fact, listening to this week’s episode counts as half a credit in “Women’s Studies” at most unaccredited on-line for profit universities (valid only good for students studying in Latvia, Bulgaria and Lesotho). It is girl power distilled down to its ass kicking essence. And guess what; we pass the Bechdel test with flying colors.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

Womanhood-Master

Boardgame Edition, All Purpose Cleaner

Did you have three pink peg wives (or blue peg husbands)? Did you always insist upon playing Miss Scarlet because she was so damned hot? Did you try to convince your little brother that qazer was an Arabic word for “used soap”?  Did you keep pink 100 dollar bills in your pocket and red houses up your sleeve? Did you get callouses on your fingers from Hungry Hungry Hippo? Do you spend more on Euro games every month than you do on heat? Do you know what the phrases: card sleeve, re-playability, traitor mechanic and resource management mean? If so, this is the episode for you.

This week we discuss boardgames; which include tales of flipped tables, relationships ruined, families torn asunder and children scarred for life. In other words, a great session of Lords of Waterdeep.

Boardgames-Master

Haunted House Episode, All Purpose Cleaner

Welcome. Won’t you step into the DEAD center of the room. We’ve being DYING to meet you. It will be a SPIRITED visit. Hopefully, you won’t get eviscerated by the homeless guy we gave two rocks of meth to work the chainsaw. I mean, of CORPSE you’ll have a good time.

We love them. Whether they are the real deal of a bunch of guys wrapped in toilet paper in a church fellowship hall, haunted houses give us a wonderful thrill. Sit back and listen to our wonderful tales of terror. Ami tells us why she will never buy a house with carpet. Robb tells us my he will always connect screams of terror with early adolescent arousal. Ross explains his wet pants. And Patrick confirms that he is, in fact, a horrible husband.

Haunted-Master

Social Media Episode, All Purpose Cleaner

Facebook is going to destroy everything sacred and good. Twitter is the sign of the decline of Western civilization. Tumbler is the new bastion of freaks and sexual deviants. And reddit… well have you ever heard of Michael Brutsh? Of course, its not all bad; unicorn chasers, awesome facebook pet accounts and this twitter account. In this episode of All Purpose Cleaner we explore social media: facebook shock and awe; the death of privacy and smart phone etiquette.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

SocialMedia-Master

Moving Edition, All Purpose Cleaner

Fish don’t fry in the kitchen, beans don’t burn on the grill. Oh yeah, we’re moving on up. By the way, what in the name of heavens do those lyrics mean? Of course, we’re going to suppose it has some kind of faintly racist element; since, after all it was the 70s. But I own a kitchen, and I have fried many catfish therein. Yes, its messy, but its incredible easy to do. Also, did the Jefferson’s not have a kitchen? They lived next to the Bunkers and they had a kitchen. Was their house that very different. I mean while their new location was nicer, I would presume that their old house was actually larger. Again, I have seen much of the Bunker household and it was huge. Also, beans do in fact burn on the grill. While I am not much of a grilling historian, I suspect propane grills were not widely available in the 70s. Therefore, they were probably using charcoal in their grill, the temperature of which is much harder to control. Additionally, one assumes they are boiling the beans, which could certainly be done much more easily on a range. Were rich people in the 70s always grilling things? Because now rednecks grill all the time. I would not call becoming a redneck, “moving on up.” Seriously, Jeff Barry and Ja’net Dubois are dumbasses. Oh, podcast; right. This weeks podcast is about moving. Ross talks about… you know what, just listen. It’s funny. You’ll like it.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

Moving-Master

Grooming Edition, All Purpose Cleaner

So you’re wondering whether you should wax your eyebrows; we have an answer for that. You’re wondering whether you should pluck that stray hair; we have an answer for that. You’re wondering whether you should take the plunge and invest in those double Ds; we have an answer for that. You’re wondering how much product is too much product for a man; we have an answer for that. You’re wondering if you should go Brazilian; OF COURSE we have an answer for THAT. Check in to this week’s episode to learn essential tips to help improve your hygiene, fashion and comportment. Nahh…Patrick talks about shaving his legs, Robb gives Ami a hard time, Ami plans a motorcycle purchase and Ross throws one of his ex-girlfriends under the bus.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

Grooming-Master

UFOs Edition, All Purpose Cleaner

Yes, they are watching us. No, they are not impressed. Why trailer parks? Why cows? Why probes? The truth is out there, and we are going to find it. Let us be the Mulder to your Scully. In other words, let us be the crazy person to your sane person. Listen in as we put on tin foil hats, watch fuzzy videos of helicopters and blimps, and presume that if there is intelligent life in the universe it must be composed of a inordinately high number of proctologist.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

UFOs-Master

Advice Edition, All Purpose Cleaner

Like your drunk aunt as she sits on your mom’s Naugahyde couch after Thanksgiving dinner the minute after you announce your plans to get a doctorate in Literature. Like the tattooed and mostly toothless CVS checkout girl when your kid has a slight meltdown because you won’t buy them a bag of Pixie Stix (Now with more sugar!) Like the sweaty fat guy that smells like cheap bourbon and fried pork at 9:20 in the morning when you shank a shot into the bunker at the bend of the back nine. You didn’t ask for it but we’re still given it. (Actually, some of you did ask for and for that we thank you.)

Advice-Master

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

Comedy Edition, All Purpose Cleaner

This week we give you our version of “Inside the Actor’s Studio”; only with more references to pre-teen summer camp tassel spinning contests. (Yes, you read that right, apparently that happened.) During this weeks episode of All Purpose Cleaner we explore the emotional impetus that drives our comedic instincts. If you ever wondered why we do what we do, listen in. It way have something to do with deep seated emotional issues, it may have something to do with fraternity, it may have something to do with a bucket full of underpants.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

Comedy-Master

Drinking Edition, All Purpose Cleaner

They always say make your art about what you know. Random travel, face plants, vomit sprinklers, brownie hangovers, and scratch and sniff textbooks. Good times.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

Drinking-Master

If you like All Purpose Cleaner why not help other people discover it by rating or commenting at the iTunes store or let us know by emailing us at openandspray@gmail.com- Thanks.

Bad Jobs Edition, All Purpose Cleaner

After a power related outage (thanks, derecho) we are back in the saddle. This week we discuss bad  jobs, and while we know this is shocking, we’ve had some. In fact, materials we’ve needed to take to work include: 1 white face make-up remover; 2 anti-septic wipes (and maybe penicillin); 3 a Japanese to English dictionary; 4 a TASER; and 5 maybe a brain washing deprogramming tape (they have those, right).  Cover bands, strange limo rides, college kid attitudes, vacuum cleaners, and carcinogens were not on the job postings.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

Bad Jobs Master

If you like All Purpose Cleaner why not help other people discover it by rating or commenting at the iTunes store or let us know by emailing us at openandspray@gmail.com- Thanks.

Camping Edition, All Purpose Cleaner

This podcast includes simultaneous discussion of  lard, slip and slides, and church camp. Do we really need to say anything else to get you to listen? All right, fine: bears, screaming girls, delirious Ross, neo-Nazi bachelor parties, and high school drinking. Yeah, its that kind of podcast.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

Camping Master

If you like All Purpose Cleaner why not help other people discover it by rating or commenting at the iTunes store or let us know by emailing us at openandspray@gmail.com- Thanks.

Restrooms Edition, All Purpose Cleaner

We have decided to abandon all pretense. Yes, we have broken the final podcasting taboo and recorded a podcast that features a story equal parts hilarious and “oh, my heavens, why.”  This is the one they will talking about around the office doughnut table, for days to come. (However, after discussing it everyone will also listlessly float back to their desk; having strangely lost their appetite.) Guys, ever wondered about what goes on on the ladies restroom? (Hint, it involves hot towels.) Ladies, ever wondered about the decor of the inside of a strip club restroom? (Hint, no you didn’t.) Curious about urinal etiquette; the perils of a restroom phone call; graffiti protocols, well this is the podcast for you.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

Restrooms Master

If you like All Purpose Cleaner why not help other people discover it by rating or commenting at the iTunes store or let us know by emailing us at openandspray@gmail.com- Thanks.

Celebrity Edition, All Purpose Cleaner

If you forgot to pick up a copy of InTouch while you were waiting to check out from the grocery, we’ve got your back. If you are wondering about the details of what John Travolta allegedly did with a male masseur, we’ve got your back. If you’ve ever thought to yourself, “You know who I just hate; George Clooney,” we’ve got got your back. If you ever wanted to hear Christopher Walken discuss taxpayer responsibilities, we’ve got your back. (Seriously, listen for the Christopher Walken alone. We promise, it’s worth the price of admission.) (Also, in case an lawyers are listening to this, allegedly, allegedly, allegedly, and allegedly.)

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

Celebrities Master

If you like All Purpose Cleaner why not help other people discover it by rating or commenting at the iTunes store or let us know by emailing us at openandspray@gmail.com- Thanks.

Break-Ups Edition, All Purpose Cleaner

A few tips: if you think Ross’ is about to break-up with you, loan him your car, then steal it; if you think Kristin is about to break-up with you, join a cult; if you think Rob is about to break-up with you, move into his apartment complex. During this week’s episode of All Purpose Cleaner we discuss booty calls, You-Tube proposals, psycho ex near misses, and Pearl Jam chasers. It’s not you, it’s us.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

Break-Ups Masters

If you like All Purpose Cleaner why not help other people discovery it by rating or commenting at the iTunes store or let us know by emailing us at openandspray@gmail.com- Thanks.

Conspiracy Theories Edition, All Purpose Cleaner

We blow the lid off of J. Edgar Hoover’s intimate involvement in one of histories greatest tragedies. We show you how your wii is contributing to the slow deliberate decline of Western civilization. We out one of America’s greatest statesmen. In other words, in this episode of All Purpose Cleaner we make ourselves the subjects of one of the largest terror investigations every mounted against a small town improv comedy troupe. If you don’t hear from us soon, be sure to forward all of our mail to “Weeping Funny Guys” at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

Conspiracy Theories Master

If you like All Purpose Cleaner why not help other people discovery it by rating or commenting at the iTunes store or let us know by emailing us at openandspray@gmail.com- Thanks.

Sit-Coms Edition, All Purpose Cleaner

What ever happened to the golden age of television comedy? Who is the most annoying sitcom sidekick? When did Happy Days really “jump the shark”? Whose hotter Uncle Jesse John Stamos or ER John Stamos? What would Barbara Billingsley be like in the sack? Have you ever asked yourself these questions? Do you have many friends? Have you taken your medicine? Well regardless, if you have ever pondered the vicissitudes of laugh tracks or the narrative arc of Mallory and Skippy’s “no-mance” (copyright) then give our hilarious ramblings a listen.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

Sit-Coms Master

If you like All Purpose Cleaner why not help other people discovery it by rating or commenting at the iTunes store or let us know by emailing us at openandspray@gmail.com- Thanks.

Pick-Up Lines Edition, All Purpose Cleaner

And now for some advice that you can really use. And by “can really use” we mean of course “probably can’t effectively use at all” and “if you do use, we can be neither liable nor culpable”. In this crazy world we all need someone with whom to share our journey; and what better way to find that person then with a awkward pun about genitalia. In this edition of All Purpose Cleaner, we learn: what on-line dating, Photoshop, the AKC, and Robb all have in common; why you should probably bring a sewing kit to a date with Ami; why Ross lost his job as a field sobriety officer; and why Kristin still gets a little anxious when she logs onto her facebook account.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

Pick-Up Lines Master

If you like All Purpose Cleaner why not help other people discovery it by rating or commenting at the iTunes store or let us know by emailing us at openandspray@gmail.com- Thanks.

Prankster Edition, All Purpose Cleaner

If you have ever come home to find your wife’s delicates in your sock drawer, after listening to this podcast you’ll knew whose ass to kick. If you have ever thought about doing something really mean to Kristin, after listening to this podcast you won’t. If you have ever received a moldy loaf of zucchini bread in the mail, after listening to this podcast you’ll know to whom to return it. If you have ever found a small, premixed and sealed tube of liquor in the pocket of you winter coat, after listening to this podcast you’ll know who to thank.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

Pranks Master

If you like All Purpose Cleaner why not help other people discovery it by rating or commenting at the iTunes store or let us know by emailing us at openandspray@gmail.com- Thanks.

Zombies Edition, All Purpose Cleaner

So, you have woken up to discover that the world is over run by zombies. Naturally, the first thing you did was go to the internet to see what advice you could find from Roanoke, Virginia’s improv comedians. We don’t really care how you came to find out about us; we’re just glad you did. Here is our advice. First, if you are in the company of anyone under the age of 14 named Carl, kill him. We’ll wait. Second, if you are thinking about going to a Wal-Mart distribution center, don’t. Third, don’t even bother venturing into the nascent zombie porn genre which will have almost certainly begun to emerge by now; we already have the market cornered. So listen up, we just might save your life.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

Zombies Master

If you like All Purpose Cleaner why not help other people discovery it by rating or commenting at the iTunes store or let us know by emailing us at openandspray@gmail.com- Thanks.

Videogames Edition, All Purpose Cleaner

We should start this one with a disclaimer, if you are a hard core video gamer, we apologize. You should still listen however, because nothing is funnier than a bunch of noobs talking about getting high scores on their Colecos and Intellivisions. (For the record, Burgertime kicked ass.) During this episodes of All Purpose Cleaner, Kristin tells of the tragedy that can befall a pixelated family, John confirms that his cell phone blows (hint, hint, potential sponsors), Ami confesses to an obsession, and Ross educates us all about the value of high quality health care. (Note: if you enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A we do the entire podcast naked.)

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

Videogames Master

If you like All Purpose Cleaner why not help other people discovery it by rating or commenting at the iTunes store or let us know by emailing us at openandspray@gmail.com- Thanks.

All Purpose Cleaner, Yard-Sale Edition

Looking for a friend’s side table, shaved barbie heads, used un-unmentionables, a broken player piano, a heavily annotated Trapper-Keeper, or a priced to move Thomas the Train table? Well if you are, have we got a deal for you. This week, the gang discuss their shared and moderately disturbing obsession with buying other peoples stuff.  It is a sad and funny confession. Also, if you listen to the whole podcast we promise that you will learn a great way to get great free crap in Raleigh, North Carolina. “What?”, you say. “Free crap! In Raleigh, North Carolina! Sign me up.” We shall friends; we shall.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

Yard Sale Master

If you like All Purpose Cleaner why not help other people discovery it by rating or commenting at the iTunes store or let us know by emailing us at openandspray@gmail.com- Thanks.

All Purpose Cleaner, Daredevils Edition

If you are base jumping from Victoria Falls, kayaking through the Gauley River’s Lost Paddle Rapids, climbing up Nanga Parbat’s Rupal Face, or jumping a Segway over the Snake River Canyon; have we go the listening companion for you. In this week’s episodeof All Purpose Cleaner we discuss Daredevils and learn why: John takes out an insurance policy every time goes for a brisk jog, why Robb breaks into a cold sweat whenever he sees a headlamp, and why Ross is always careful about how he manages his blood sugar.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

Daredevils Master

If you like All Purpose Cleaner why not help other people discovery it by rating or commenting at the iTunes store or let us know by emailing us at openandspray@gmail.com- Thanks.

All Purpose Cleaner, Manhood Edition

It’s been a little while since you heard from us, but now we are back with a vengeance. This week the guys get together to talk about crying to the Dowager Countess, hair product, evening attire, and Marley and Me; in other words Manhood. But don’t worry, its not as pathetic as it sounds, there’s always Ross.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

Manhood Master

If you like All Purpose Cleaner why not help other people discover it by rating or commenting at the iTunes store or let us know by emailing us at openandspray@gmail.com- Thanks.

All Purpose Cleaner- Geeks Edition, Replay

For our newer listeners, this week we are publishing a blast from the past, one of earliest eps for your listening pleasure. Listen. Enjoy. Big Lick Conspiracy, Roanoke, Virginia’s improv comedy troupe talks of matters trivial and profound. This week: geek taxonomy, Furby home wreckers, man crushes, beef sandwich goodness and much, much more.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

Geeks-Master.mp3

All Purpose Cleaner, Bad Habits Edition

Everybody has a few quirks, a few vices; we on the other hand have some serious problems. During this week’s episodes we discuss why you should probably not sneak up on Rob if it ever looks like he might have something in his mouth, shopping therapy, Kristin’s facial hair care and much, much more.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

Bad Habits Master

If you like All Purpose Cleaner why not help other people discovery it by rating or commenting at the iTunes store or let us know by emailing us at openandspray@gmail.com- Thanks.

All Purpose Cleaner, Horror Movies Edition

Why not take a chance and listen to our latest podcast; but know, if you do in seven days a very angry and very short  man will climb out of your computer screen and give you such a wet willy…. that you may go….. insane. Mewhhhaa ha ha. Oh heavens; that was lame. But thankfully, this weeks podcast is not. This week we discuss horror movie cliches, cruel racquetball pranks, bumps in the night, hush puppy hair styles and much, much more. Click below to listen.

Horror Movies Master

If you like All Purpose Cleaner why not help other people discovery it by rating or commenting at the iTunes store or let us know by emailing us at openandspray@gmail.com- Thanks.

All Purpose Cleaner, Apocalypse Edition

It’s the end of the world as we know it and we feel fine. Yes, if the Mayans are to be believed, the end may be near; but at least you can go out with a smile on your face. This week we discuss job paths for success in the dystopian wasteland, the up side of the end of existence, some serious 80’s sweetheart hate and much, much more.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

End-of-the-World Master

If you like All Purpose Cleaner why not help other people discovery it by rating or commenting at the iTunes store or let us know by emailing us at openandspray@gmail.com- Thanks.

All Purpose Cleaner, Superheros Edition

It’s your friendly neighborhood improv troupe! That right, It’s Podcastin’ Time! This week we discuss superheros. To all the rabid fanboys and girls, we get it; our command of the subject is weak, our knowledge is puny, our fitness to breath the same air as you is suspect, please do not flame us. This weak we discuss the scourge of Hanna Barabara, the world’s greatest file clerk, and the Micheal Keaton fan club, and much, much more.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

Superheros Master

If you like All Purpose Cleaner why not help other people discovery it by rating or commenting at the iTunes store or let us know by emailing us at openandspray@gmail.com- Thanks.

All Purpose Cleaner, Bad Dates, Replay

This is how it all started. For those that are new to All Purpose Cleaner, give our first episode a listen. In it we examine: why Rob has a scar on his ear, the design of a shirt we intend to sell this summer in P-Town, Massachusetts, and why, when kissing, you should not lead with the tongue.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

BLC All Purpose Cleaner, Bad Dates

If you like All Purpose Cleaner why not help other people discovery it by rating or commenting at the iTunes store.- Thanks.

All Purpose Cleaner, Weddings Edition

Will you have us? Will you hold us? In sicker and poorer? Till death do us part? God, wedding vows are a serious downer? Big Lick Conspiracy, Roanoke, Virginia’s improv comedy troupe talks of matters trivial and profound. This week: emotional grooms, magic marker love notes, fun, but possibly illegal reception rituals and much, much more.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

Weddings Master

All Purpose Cleaner, Vampire Edition

Ve vant to zuck vour zlood. But if you don’t mind would you give a blood sample. And do you think you could wipe your neck down with this wet nap. Big Lick Conspiracy, Roanoke, Virginia’s improv comedy troupe talks of matters trivial and profound. This week: undead dentures, monster death matches, dates that are certain to end badly, taxi cab confessions and much, much more.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

Vampires Master

All Purpose Cleaner, Concerts Edition

Get out of our dreams and into our podcast. Big Lick Conspiracy, Roanoke, Virginia’s improv comedy troupe talks of matters trivial and profound. This week: old Bob Dylan, motor boating accidents, sand dune fatalities, bungee experiments and much, much more.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

Concerts Master

All Purpose Cleaner, Ghosts Edition

We’ve got 99 problems and a ghost is one. Big Lick Conspiracy, Roanoke, Virginia’s improv comedy troupe talks of matters trivial and profound. This week: ghostly encounters, electronic birds, metaphysical explorations, bed and breakfast reviews and much, much more.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

Ghost Master

All Purpose Cleaner, Car Wreck Edition

Big Lick Conspiracy, Roanoke, Virginia’s improv comedy troupe talks of matters trivial and profound. This week: car accidents, immigration tactics, blow up latex glove turkeys, the rage of a pregnant woman and much, much more.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN- Car Wreck

All Purpose Cleaner, Nightmares Edition

Big Lick Conspiracy, Roanoke, Virginia’s improv comedy troupe talks of matters trivial and profound. This week: nightmares, home office acrobatics, West Virginia trailer repair,  Sesame Street inquires and much, much more.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

Dreams Master

All Purpose Cleaner, Amusement Park Edition

Big Lick Conspiracy, Roanoke, Virginia’s improv comedy troupe talks of matters trivial and profound. This week: amusement parks, carny revenge, water park wedgies,  an EPCOT Center beat-down, and much, much more.

Click the link below to listen.  WARNING- Adult Content.

Amusement Parks